Dirty Little Secrets
When I was in Europe and we'd get new troops in the unit I always took time to talk to them about the new life they were about to experience. Part of my spiel went like this:
"If you think, because you are thousands of miles away from home and family, that you can let your hair down and get wild and crazy—think again. No matter what you do in any part of the world, I guarantee that it will sneak up on you when you least expect it. So always, ALWAYS, think before you leap. The fling you have in the back streets of Heidelberg will catch up to you on the highway of life. The affair you had with so and so will surface when you least want it to. Anything you do throughout you life will walk into your future no matter how well you thought you buried it. Bottom line: there is a consequence for everything, good or bad, that you do or take part in, and, distance is not a protector. You cannot run away from the things you do. Before you do anything, take a moment to ask yourself, ‘What if my friends betray me, unintentionally or on purpose? What if I slip myself? What will my spouse (or a future spouse) do if he or she finds out about so and so? What will my children (or future children) think of me if they ever stumble across something really stupid that I did?' The "Bottom Line" is that your past will rule your present, and have a direct impact on your future. Everyone always hopes and believes that their dirty little secrets can remain hidden all their life, but the truth of the matter is that all cracks eventually shine light." |
I'm sure you're asking why we're putting this little article on our genealogy website and the answer is integrity. If one of us discovers something of questionable value we get together and talk about it then make a majority rule decision whether or not to put it on the site. If we have contact with a family member we will ask them for clarification. But, no matter what we might ever stumble upon in a family's past, if it appears to be one of those dirty little secrets, it will NOT be exposed on this site. We don't want anyone else's mistakes revealed through our site because there are still family members living in the here and now . . . and why should they pay an emotional price for someone else's stupidity?
If you are reading this and are haunted by one of those many stupid mistakes, you still have a chance to clear up your past. Find a way to come clean with it, but absolutely do not hurt others in the process. If it isn't possible, then continue to keep it to yourself and hope and pray that it never surfaces because time has a way of compounding everything worse than it was to begin with. You can also seek guidance and counseling through a professional counsellor or a church. It's all your choice.
And I should mention that if one of your family members has made a stupid mistake, or been caught up in a bad circumstance, or whatever, don't own it. If it isn't yours, simply stop fearing it. You cannot live your life feeling guilty for what someone else did or had a part in. Stuff happens, so deal with your stuff and let go of other people's stuff. If a family member has passed on and you're still carrying guilt over what they did, perhaps it's time to go deep within and find out what purpose it serves you to feel so guilty over it.
As important, stop fearing others because you fear your past. Just because you made a stupid mistake doesn't mean others have to pay for it.
Enough said on this whole issue.
As always, thank you for visiting this site. If there is anything you want to add or detract from it by all means send us an email and let's talk. Our ruling guidelines are respect, integrity, honor, decency . . . and peace to all.
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